Mediation - Frequently Asked Questions

What is mediation?

Mediation is a confidential process for resolving conflict between parties who have some interests in common and some interests that are adverse. (War is conflict resolution when there are no common interests.) Nearly all parties in dispute have some common interests, whether in preserving their relationship, avoiding the high costs of litigation, keeping a private dispute private, or the fierce love for their children, to name only a few. The mediation process helps the parties in conflict to identify and build on common interests for the purpose of reaching a mutually acceptable solution to their problem. Mediation requires the express intention of the parties to try to reach a resolution.

What is the role of the mediator?

The mediator, who is absolutely neutral in the dispute, guides the process, assists the parties in analyzing and removing barriers to resolution, and helps the parties stay the course to create solutions. A variety of mediation styles and strategies have developed. Here is my approach. First, I believe listening is the mediator's most important activity.  While mediating I interpret language, tone, body movement, and silence so I can discover important issues and attitudes that may create barriers or windows to agreement.  I communicate honestly and empathetically with the parties, whether together or in private caucuses during the mediation, so I earn and maintain their trust. I clarify positions but do not manipulate the parties. I support their autonomy and prod them to think consequentially and creatively.

Should the parties' imaginations flag, I may suggest possibilities that similarly situated folks have found helpful. I normalize feelings. I acknowledge their progress. I may rigorously challenge them when they cling to an unreasonable position.  I offer reality checks, invited or not, if they move parties toward resolution. I demonstrate patience and pay attention to detail. I remind them that most problems have a variety of solutions, and a solution they design may be more enduring and satisfying than a court ordered one. More pointedly, if the parties do not reach agreement in a litigated matter, they hand over control of the outcome to a judge or jury. Still, a mediator's role includes recognizing when the mediation will produce no agreement and halting the mediation.

How long does mediation take?

Every dispute is unique. Each party to a dispute is unique. Consequently, unlike an athletic event, there is no set time or number of quarters or innings allotted to the mediation. It takes as long as it takes. Nevertheless, most mediations involving simple civil disputes or family law are successfully concluded within a few hours or a day.  Complexity and number of issues, especially when accompanied by great depth of emotion, may increase the number of hours or number of mediated sessions needed to find resolution.

How much will it cost?

My fee is $175.00 per hour, with a two hour minimum. I do not charge for travel time but do charge for actual travel expenses. Typically the fee is divided between the parties and payable at the time of the mediation.